You better go to sleep now.
Or the Veggitabull Man gonna come down from the attic and put his fibers in you. That’s right. Gonna pump you full of vitamins and dirt juice. I seen him. He’s real. I saw him up in the attic just the other day when I was looking for my Spring cotton candy machine. You know the one, the one with the bird on it. And the egg. Yes, he was just standing right there like the devil, but he had cucumber horns and corn fangs.
Oh yes I did. It wasn’t an LSD shadow warp or nothing. You know I stopped talking to that old doctor anyway. He always had me trying something or other for my levitating brain disorder. I won’t go into it. You’ve heard enough from me on that. Anyway, I’m telling you, if you don’t go to sleep that Veggitabull Man is going to creep on down with crinkle cut toes and stick his celery fingers right in your mouth and make you chomp down on them. Yes, he’ll hold your jaw up tight against your skull until you have to swallow.
And you’ll be so full on his body parts that you won’t even want sugar fried waffle pops in the morning. I know, I know. Just go to bed and you won’t have to worry about any of that. Everybody knows that the Veggitabull Man can’t go into dreamland and snatch you up. You’re safe there. So go on now.
Get your jammies on.
The good freaks over at Bizarro Central have once again found it in their squishy, rancid hearts to include me in Flash Fiction Friday. Check it out:
When the Thing Did
Thanks to everyone over there for keeping it weird all these years.
Check out my Publications page for links to other work of mine to be found out in the crimson wilderness of the internet.
Holy shit, the Internet! Did you see my bony horns poking through your collective lawns yester’eve’morn? The rains came and the dirt fell away and my bones grew flesh, sparked to life by the sun’s radiation. I think. Either that or someone has been rebuilding me methodically and just finally hit me with life-nourishing lightning.
I think my brain might have even slithered its way back into Central Command Skull. No longer a corpse in the garden, I have returned, unpromised and uninvited. I’ve cut my toenails and even found my dancing shoes hanging from a wire. If you can’t dance while you write, then what’s the use, eh?
Worry not, sexy strangers and otherwho’s. I am still here, sliding ever so slowly into the poisoned river, but never letting the fish arms reach me where it counts. Lately, my focus has turned to larger things, longer things, things which I hope to reveal once I can find the damn keys what that witch made invisible when I used her familiar as a condiment dispenser.