Come to Space and Party with Weirdos

There was a great flopping noise. Neon blue light came on like someone had shot lasers into a jar of berries, shook, and smeared it across my window.

“Holy goddamn Motherfucker, what is it? How is it? Are they here? Did they come. Shit damn, I’m not ready!”

The window stretched around their bulbous heads. Eyes swung back and forth, black and big like bowling balls, and found me holding the bit of root and a dull knife. The sphincter in the bottom of the head of the left one puckered and pushed out a glowing sentence that fell to the ground in Earth’s heavy gravity.

What I read before it fell: “Human Communicator, you have found us. We have a wonderful offer. Show him.”

The right one held up a perfectly cubed hand, flexed a muscle here and there, and on popped an image on the hand cube. It was a saucer. A space saucer. A flying, green, space saucer with lights and tractor beams and doo-dads galore. Phallic protrusions hinted at ray guns or probes.

“For me?” I asked, awed at the prospect of intergalactic schmoozing.

“Yes. For a one time payment of *calculating* 75 thousand NeuVoid Credits.”

“I…I don’t have any of those.”

Their pulsating laughter still haunts the walls of that room. Now I stay outside and never sleep.

4 thoughts on “Come to Space and Party with Weirdos

  1. The best sentence is, “The sphincter in the bottom of the head of the left one puckered and pushed out a glowing sentence that fell to the ground in Earth’s heavy gravity.” What works especially well is “the glowing sentence falling to the ground in Earth’s heavy gravity”! That’s fine.

    Liked by 1 person

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